So, I’ve probably written some form of this post a good ten times in the past year, always to be deleted hitherto…but I think it’s time.
It’s likely* that I won’t be posting anymore…
I started this tumblr after my junior year of college. I had been through a lot up until then. I went through times that brought me to dangerous places inside of my mind, and even outside of it. I had thought that by the end of my junior year I would see some resolution in my life, some relief, but a change never came, nor was I able to make one. I only managed to ruin time in my life that was supposed to be full of, well, life. So with my senior year approaching, and with so much of my college life - a time I had so many hopes and dreams for and about - extinguished in such a terrible way, it seemed to me that the best thing I could do was fortify myself in any way I could manage. The best thing I could do was to make sure I kept clear for myself who I was, keep clear the things I had worked so hard to sort out in my mind. And keeping things clear in that way took many forms, one of which - though it might seem silly - was this tumblr. It wasn’t meant to be anything but a simple virtual scrapbook, a visual bookmarks folder to pour into during idle internet time, when I had no energy to scribble words in my notebooks or type away into one of some thousand word documents…it was to be a collection of things that resonated with me in some way, triggers that helped me stay focused on emotions and ideas and associations important to me, things that amidst the chaos in my head could help me stay locked on who I was, who I am.
But here I am, over two years later… I’ve met some great people through tumblr, enjoyed the bit of community to be found in it, and for a time the hodgepodge I posted served it’s purpose…but I’m still not okay. My life isn’t okay. I’m not exactly healthy, and my life isn’t healthy, at least by my own standards. Especially for the sake of the people in my life, I have to try to change things. Doing so is going to take a lot of focus, and I’ve used tumblr for all I could want to at this point, so for the time being, I’m out.
*There’s a chance that in not so long I might revamp my tiny corner of the internet and post original writing and original music exclusively. So, unfollow if you don’t want to tow dead weight, but stick around and keep an eye out for a bit if you’d like to.
And, please, please, please - if any of you want to keep in touch, even if it’s the case that you’ve never talked to me and want to, let me know. I’ll check in here from time to time and take a look at my inbox. I can’t make any promises of epic pen-pal correspondence or otherwise…I’m not the best friend to anyone at this time in my life, and not the most available, but I’m someone who could use good people in my life, to any degree. So, again, if you’d ever like to chat, or say hello, or keep in touch, just tell me. As for those of you who I’ve talked to on here, you probably have some other way of getting in touch with me. That, or I’ll make sure we’re in touch.
All the best, and every happiness.